I sometimes wonder who I am?
People slander me the way I am.
I am a dust which scatter in a sky,
People spit on me and call me a sly.
Being a dog is my dream,
I wish people could realize what I mean.
I neither have a father, nor have a mother,
Oh, I remember, I am a neuter!
I still wonder who I am?
Oh my Lord! Why I am?
Who I am? Why I am? I was always searching for the reason of my existence since the day I’ve came in this cruel world. It was a duty of my mind to bounces across the world to find my answers but I’ve failed, I’ve failed badly because I was an inhuman creature, rejected, unacceptable and abandoned child. My parents donated me to a community of transgender when I was 5 years old, because I was useless and shame for them, as it was not easy for them to keep me in their house for the rest of the life so they abandoned me. But I was lucky enough that I was adopted by a transgender named: Noor, since then she was my mother, believe me, she was a perfect mother.
My name is Misbah Ahmed, I am a TRANSGENDER, people perceive me as an extra creature on earth and my parents are thinking the same. I was adopted by a transgender, for me, she was more than mother, she didn’t give birth to me but she was the one who can feel my pain, I can share my pain with her, she was the one who can understand me and I am like a reflection of her. She always made me strong enough to tackle the challenges, to face the difficulties, she always said to me:
“There is a reason behind our existence and if we try to find it, our Lord will reveal the answer to us”
She is the one who always pushes me to move forward, inspire me to take steps, she was my inspiration, my motivation. She always said to me:
“God made ourselves without any errors, we are not like others, yes, it is true because we are not self centered”
She always motivates me by giving me the example of famous motivational speaker: Nick Vujicic and his popular quote:
“If you can’t get the miracle, become one”
She also said to me:
“Look at nick, if God gave him the reason to live then why not you can find the reason to live? Don’t wait for some miracle to recognize you, your existence is your recognition, just accept yourself and be the miracle for someone else”
She made me believe that I am not inferior than others, and no doubt, she was my strength, my back bone, and finally the day came, which she was eagerly waiting, I become first Transgender graduate from my medical college.
My mother was so proud of me, she was so happy for me but deep down I was not really happy, from this day I’ve started prayed to my God to give me just once chance to meet my real parents so that I can prove them wrong that I am useful creature, I am a proud Transgender doctor.
One day, there was an emergency in a hospital, I rushed to an ICU, there I saw a woman of approximately 60 years lied on a bad, she was no one but my genetic mother, she was screaming because of pain, she was having a severe appendicitis. I successfully operate her, because it was my duty. After one day a nurse came to him that a patient’s attendant is calling me so I went to the room, there I saw an old man sitting on a chair close to bed, yes, he was my real father, when he saw me entering in a room, he stood ecstatically to greet me and appreciate me for what I had done for her wife, he said to me:
“I am a poor father of 3 sons, they abandoned me and my wife because we are now useless for them, I have no home now, my children are so selfish, all I have is just having my wife, oh my child, I can’t thank you enough, you saved my wife’s life, what if you were not here to save my wife, you are miracle for us”
I was crying at that time, I was crying so hard, completely broke down sobbing, I just said to him:
“You had abandoned too, you abandoned me, you know who I am? What my name is? I am Dr MISBAH AHMED, First transgender graduate of my college”
After said these words, I just rushed to my room, this was the day I realized that the reason of my existence is to serve the humanity, just humanity, this was the first day I thanked to my God for giving me such a great life, for creating me a transgender, for everything.
When I was drowning in my thoughts, when I was reminding all the advices of my mother, when I was hearing the echo of smattering of applause in my mind for becoming the first Transgender graduate, when I was reviewing my memories with my close eyes, someone opens the door, a boy came in, he said with happy tone:
“Sir, someone has left the baby outside our door, I guess it is a transgender, I feed him, and now he is sleeping, I named him Noor, do you like it? Noor was also the name of your mother”
“yes, today is the first death anniversary of her, I wish she could see the success of our transgender’s school, she showed me who I am and now I am showing to others transgender.” I said with a smile on my face.
Who I am? by Sumna Arshad
